A Valentine Conversation

What did you get your Valentine?  With Valentine’s Day upon us, we often turn our thoughts to roses, chocolate, romantic dinners, and that extra special gift for our love ones.  After you take care of those items, I want you to turn your attention to a Valentine conversation to have with your elderly family members.

As our parents age, many get to the point where they become more dependent upon their children.  Initially neither the parent nor the children may think the aging parent needs help, but overtime this can slowly change.  The best time to start planning for these slow changes is now.  After you tell them how much you love them on Valentine’s Day, you can have a thoughtful conversation with them about:

• Their goals and desires
• Their estate documents

You should start the conversation with your elderly family members asking about their goals and desires.  Maybe they want to visit a specific destination or attend a certain event.  You might be surprised at where this conversation will lead.  This is your opportunity to learn more about your parent’s priorities at this stage of their life.  Eventually you want to ask your parents about the location of their estate documents (Will, Health Care Power-of-Attorney, and Durable Power-of-Attorney).  This way you know where to look if the need arises.  If your elderly parent does not have one or more of these documents, you should take the time to help them put these documents in place.  If they have these documents, you should ask to review them so you can become familiar with your parents’ wishes and understand who is listed in these documents along with their responsibly.  If it has been several years since these documents were established, you should be sure to look at role your parent has listed and their intended role.  You want to review to see if the person is still capable (mentally and physically) of carrying out the requested duties.  After your review, you should discuss with your parents any updates you think they should make.

Take your time as you have this conversation with your parents.  Not all of these topics need to be covered in one session.  Your parent may be reluctant to have this discussion with you initially, so take your time and be respectful of the pace they want to proceed.  Taking the time to have this conversation with your parents, can be a valentine gift that gives you and your parents peace of mind for years to come.